Mind the Gap

The chamber

2005-10-01T10:47:00.000-04:00

I have so many plans and projects I want to accomplish or start. I want to really set a good sched for Ramadan, start on my massive amounts of reading for my classes, review some notes.

But I can't do anything yet.

Until I clean my room.

Ever since high school, my emotional, spiritual, and academic performance has depended on how clean my room is. The cleaner it is, the better I perform. Everything is put on hold until I can tidy my room up again.

Now, my room is never dirty. It's just cluttered. I mainly have a serious problem hanging things up. I have tried so hard to devise a plan to keep my room clean after tidying it, but it always falls apart. I either get too busy, forget where I wanted to keep certain things, or I accumulate more stuff I can't part with. It's a nightmare. Thing get lost in my room. Once, I found a jeans skirt that had been missing for 3 years. It just reappeared in a box I once stored it in after a cleaning expedition, and totally forgot about it.

So now, I can't start studying properly. I wake up in the morning and say to myself, today I will finish an entire reading assignment for JOUR 5000.... then remember the state of my room and turn around to fall back to sleep. I don't even haeve a system where I remember where things are. Everything is literally just.. everywhere.

But I have decided that today is a new day. I should really go clean my room.

After I make a cup of Earl Grey.

Fruit

2005-09-27T00:06:00.000-04:00

Fruit is so utterly overreated. Health nuts rave about these multi-purpose edible objects. Their skins makes your hair shinier, your skin glow, fight cancer, cure anxiety. You name it, fruit does it apparently. Please. All fruit does for me is leave me gagging, my eyes watery, my throat clogged up and my lips itchy and bright red for days.

I developed an allergy to every kind of fruit about two years ago, and it's only getting worse. I can't eat apples, pears, plums, cherries, any kind of berry without hacking and regretting it woefully afterwards. I'm assuming it's the pesticide on the fruit that's the culprit. Even before allergies, I was never a big fan. Fruit is messy and requires a lot of work to eat - peeling, pitting, juice running down your arms, stones to remove, skin to discard of. Ugh. I still ask people to peel oranges and mangoes for me because I can't bear the thought of doing the work and getting my fingers pruny with orange juice. The biggest shocker I received was when I nearly choked because of a banana. A BANANA! They're like the anti-fruit. They're a fruit-haters excuse to pose as a health freak. They're not messy, you technically don't have to touch the fruit whilst eating, and of course who can forget the potassium. Oh, and unlike other fruit - the DO keep you full. My friend, Caitlin, can't eat bananas at all becasue the pesticide seeps through the porous surface of the skin and infects the fruit. What a bummer.

Maybe I'm also a bit jealous of fruit eaters. I envy people who chomp on apples or pears in class and will later refuse your offering of chips because, "I just ate an apple. I'm so full!" Are you kidding me? The only thing fruit does for me is create an appetite. I'm ready for dinner after a few plums. Maybe it's because of years of trying to lose weight and having diet books tell me to breakfast on a "piece of fruit." The only thing that ever did for me was cause hunger headaches by 10a.m., leading me to the closest Tim Hortons for a medium French Van capp and a seasame bagel with cream cheese.

My New Year's resolution (or revolution) will be to eat at least one fruit a day isA. I will wash the darn thing so well it won't know what hit it. And then I will cut it up and put it in my mouth. If I am still allergic, it's another doctor's apppointment for me.

Incidentally, a melon froze to death in our fridge yesterday and my mother is trying to thaw it back to life. Melons are the only fruit I can enjoy. Only if they're sweet. And they can't be too cold... otherwise my teeth hurt.

Meet you at the Ikea

2005-09-26T23:40:00.000-04:00

Ikea is a whole world unto itself here in Ottawa - and I think in Canada generally. I am amazed everytime I walk into that Swedish realm of fresh-smelling wood, flexible furniture, and 50 cent hot dogs.

I visited Ikea this past Saturday. "People, like, go to Ikea for the day," my sister commented (pictured above) as we skirted family vans to squeeze into a parking space. Looking around the packed parking lot, I realized how right she was. Families with multiple strollers walked in and out of the store as though they were visiting the mall for the day, or to check out a massive side walk sale the place was hosting. The funny thing is, more than half the people who walk in, walk out empty handed, or with a tiny bag of light bulbs, or a $3.99 potted plant they could have nabbed for less at Loblaws.

This weekend was a madhouse in Ikea. You couldn't walk in a straight line in the aisles because there were people everywhere. Kids screaming and waving sloppy snacks, yuppie couples contemplating their first bed or maybe wondering if moving in together is really a good idea, first year students shuffling in flip-flops and too much midriff showing buying art and frames and glass bobbles that hang from the ceiling. Ikea art makes me shake my head. It is everything art shouldn't be. Generic, standard, mass-produced. Yet, people gobble it up.

I have to admit, however, I'm a big Ikea shopper. Over half the things in my room (home) are from the Swedish retailer. We live in a realtively small apartment and you have to give it to Ikea - their stuff fits. I recently bought a vertical chest of drawers which has earned my room some breathing space. It matches very nicely with the bookshelf and table top I bought about 6-8 years ago (and which are still available).

But this Saturday, my mom, sister and I just had a drink at their cafe and walked out. Empty handed.

My heart murmur

2005-08-24T23:22:00.000-04:00

Stay tuned for more on my echocardiogram. I am so exhuasted at the moment, i gotta go sleep. But I'll be back with all the juicy details.

pizza, costumes - great weather!

2005-08-22T17:39:00.000-04:00

What a faaaaaaahbulous day it is outside today. The picket is starting to look like a thicket with all the people coming back from holidays joining the line this week. Tim Powers and his peeps brought us PIZZA for lunch!! Too bad the veggies and myself couldn't have any - HEY TIMMIE - ever heard of veggie pizzas?? Anyways - thanks so much Tim Power and Co.

We're working on a Lock Out Live! radio show daily for the Sparks St audience; it's going to start this Wednesday. I'm helping with the "Lockout Item" and am in charge of finding a sports guy to talk about how to stay fit on the picket line... avoiding shin splints, keeping your back straight etc. We started off the day with a meeting for that. It looks like it'll be jam packed with good stuff - live bands, interviews, news, weather. Good stuff.

It was also costume competition day. Not many people dressed up (at least not in the mid-morning shift) but those who did shone. JD was Mis-management, Susan Burges was a radio pirate, Amanda Putz was an anchorwoman, and Jenny Green dressed in her swim suit with a CBC: Sink or Swim sign. Very creative. Patricia St-Germain was dressed up as a negotiation table and she won. An Express photographer brought his impressive equipment and took pro photos of JD and the girls for the cover of the newpaper. Look out for it this Thursday!

I had to leave a bit early because was scheduled for an echocardiogram. It's like an ultrasound for your heart. I got to hear my heart's blood flow - very exciting. I had to get one because my doctor discovered I have a heart murmur; this picketing stress is doing nothing for my health. And I'm only 25.

whatev

2005-08-19T23:12:00.000-04:00

We walked in oval shapes again today this time in the rain. still no movement on the negotiations. get ready for another week of the same...

Ms Lockout 2005 rocks

2005-08-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

you can also visit: sparkslockout.blogspot.com
Week One is almost under our belt and one thing we've all developed a taste for is taking naps. Almost everyone I've talked to takes one as soon as they get home from the picket line. We're sore, tired, wet, frustrated, anxious, and sometimes miserable. Dave Taylor says his legs are more sore from picketing everyday than from running his usual 19 mile jogs. Still no news from the negotiation front; in fact the union reps have gone home because there hasn't been any movement with the CBC to meet again. I know they're in a tough situation, and must be exhuasted with the talks... but my my heart couldn't help sink at this news. This picket stuff was fun for maybe two days... it's getting old fast. Ms Lockout 2005 paid us a visit. Bob Carty, Michael Munnik and the rest belt out their tunes every day and with such love. They really help keep spirits high. The website committe have their site running and the food committee is organzing a corn roast for next week. The communications team reminds me of the yearbook committee in high school. They disappear into meetings for most of the day, resurfacing with new tasks for the rest of us. They're working on a Lock Out Live radio - a guerrilla type show to be aired from Sparks St. People are trying to use their minds worried their creative juices might start to dry up. This lock out is either bringing out the activist in us, or the stubborn mule. Some run around making hand outs, recruiting souls into projects, making new posters while others refuse to partake in the long term planning efforts, hoping inner growlings will us back to work. As I mingle between the picketers, I can't help but notice the nervousness in people's laughter, the slight bitterness in the jokes, and a slight heaviness in the steps we take. We all support the reasons why we're locked out, but as Louise Elliott put it - it's the uncertainty making us anxious. We all want to know what's happening, who's telling us the truth, when can we go back to work!!?

In the meantime, bring on the corn roast! Sing another tune, Bob! And let's figure out what to wear for the costume competition on Monday...

This ain't no Labour Disruption

2005-08-16T16:16:00.000-04:00

English Canada is waking to the sizzling on-air chemistry of management's Susan Marjetti and Rob Renaud on a show called Radio Morning these days. There's a reason Rob is management, and, say, Anna-Maria Tremonti is a host. Susan M. even had the nerve to call the lock out a "labour disruption." A labour disruption?! Ya, a "disruption" enforced by YOU! I was OK with my 4am shift this month, thank you very much! Get back to the damn table!

A good amount of people were already working the picket line when I arrived at 9:30am this morning. We made front page news in the Globe and The Cit sent another reporter this afternoon. We were told the union is talking to mediators right now so that's good news. There's still no sense of how long this lock out will last, but we had fun picketing today. JD (aka the CBC bunny) bought some posters and markers and we made some colourful signs.

Michael Munnik, Bob Carty, and Daryl O'Dea played their guitars and sang "Yellow Submarine." We're getting to know our Rad-Can friends quite well. My French vocab is increasing for sure (though, sorry guys, marquer is NOT a French word). We worked on the posters alongside with them, while Caitlin Crockard and Jason (JJ) Ramsay sliced up watermelon and peaches for us. The atmosphere and morale was really great so far. I'm meeting people who've been on strike or lock-out like three or four times in their career; even some retired people are back helping us on the line this time. The politics of picketing is fascinating.

Poster making was the most fun, giving us a break from the dizzy walking. Using coloured Crayolas and sitting on the Sparks Street ground brought back Grade 2 memories for everyone. Our signs read, "Put Management on Contract," "CBC Radio None," and "CBC NOT BBC." While I worked on this last sign, an old couple marched up and said, "what does it mean?" I explained that the Corp was running BBC News instead of BBC news on Newsworld these days since we were on lock out. The old woman said, "but it's not the BBC's fault!" Others around me began to explain that we weren't protesting the BBC itself - just that there was no CBC News because we were on lock out! She said, "But you're on strike!" That's when she got it - "NO we're not!!" we all started to say at once. "We're locked out! We want to work!" Unfortunately, the essence of what our picketing is all about is not understood by the public. We, Canadians' taxes AND their stories are LOCKED OUT by the management of the CBC- ie kept out of the buildings and off the air. We're not allowed to work because management doesn't want us to until our union caves in to their terms. Step back for a moment and reflect on how aggressive this move really is. Management is risking audience loyalty and putting bad programming on the air (ok, fine - Promo Girl off the air is one good thing to come out of this lock out) because they are too stubborn to see, well, my side of the story. I am being effetively told my effort, talent, and the time I put into the CBC doesn't mean that much because they need the "flexibility" to hire or fire me as they wish to "keep up creativity" at the Corp. I offer what anyone from my generation is prone to say in such a situation: riiiiiiiiiight.

Andrew the hotdog vendor is outraged, at least. He just wants his radio programming back. Bring back my Current, he says. Andrew's having a lock out special on his dogs right now. The other good thing to come out of this non-labour disruption.

First day out

2005-08-15T13:35:00.000-04:00

Here we go - first day out. Arrived at around 8am and left at noon. My feet killed so I'll be wearing running shoes tomorrow, and go in a little later than 8. LIke 10 maybe! It was OK, but I can see how it can start getting old. Four hours of walking around in an oval shape can get tiresome. And we're running out of conversation fast. I now know exactly what everyone's reading and had to eat for lunch yesterday. Anyway, it's a good chance for catching up with people and there is certainly a sense of solidarity among us.

Management and the union have not resumed talks and aren't even at the table. Who knows how long this will last. Mgmt have their peeps on the air DJ-ing really bad CanCon music. They're going to run out of material - fast.

I know... we look too happy to be on lock out. Trust me the novelty will begin to wear out. In the pic: (l to r) Leanne, me, JD and Linda.

Hell No We Won't Go...

2005-08-14T15:57:00.000-04:00

So it's over. The Canadian Media Guild has left the negotiation table with Mother Corp. after talks fell through. 5, 500 of us are offifically locked out of work. People kept trickling in to at work today during the day to "take their stuff home" - shoes, gym clothes, coffee mugs, contact books, old tape. The CBC took out a large ad in the paper explaining their position to the Canadian public about why they've issued the lock-out warning. The Guild, the union representing the journalists and techs who work at teh CBC, isn't expected to budge. They've been at it for 15 months... and the union didn't budge... and neither did management. Strap on your comfy shoes! We're going a-picketing!

The key issue is employment status. The Corp wants the "choice" on how to hire employees - basically abolish all permanent jobs and hire people on short-term contracts or casual status. They say this will help in the creativity and flexibility that is the media today. The Guild says this is a ploy to save money on pensions, vacation pay, benefits etc. Which is probably true. Is the CBC proposing that permanent status employees aren't - are they saying that by giving employees job security, health benefits, and a reason not to worry about how they're going to provide for their families will make them less creative in programming? Please. There are so many rumours going around - we're going to be out for a week, no it's 3 weeks - are you serious! it's going to be three months. The union representing Quebec and Moncton went on strike three years ago. The SCRC represents Jack Czernin who is host of Quebec City's afternoon show. She's filling in for us here in Ottawa for this month. She says what we're going through here in Ottawa is reminiscent of what happened in Montreal three years ago - the conditions were the same, the threats were the same. They went on strike for three whole months - and the union eventually won. All contract and casual employees received the right to pension which was a huge victory.

The CBC is a fantastic place to work; I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to walk into that building everyday and I get so much out of it. I love the people, the discuissions I have with them, I love being around talent everyday. But talent needs nourishment. And it's just not normal for people to go on living without a "job" for sixteen years, or ten years, or even 3. I know people who have laboured on-air, behind the scenes, in tech booths for that long and they have never known what its like to hold a real job, to wake up everyday knowing you'll be able to put food on your table next month or your kids through school next year. And this, because producers just don't have the money to afford them. Women especially will suffer. They are the most likely to need time off if they plan to havea children. A woman on contract or as a casual and who leaves to have a baby has effectibely shot her career opportunities and rights in the foot. She is not entitled to mat leave pay, and can;t guarantee work once she's ready to come back. Looking around in our shop at least, you can easily estimate that over 50% of the workforce are women. Women who take time off from their families, who sacrifice having families, to pour their souls into the Corp. and who unfortunately are not protected by the Corp.

It's time for a little respect and a little appreciation. I want to know that the time and effort, and the talent, I put into the CBC will have something in it for me at the end of the day. That my pride in working for the Corp. will be rewarded with something more than, "ye! we're excited to have you on board.... but not sure if we have the money for you."

All we can do is wait. See on Sparks, everyone.

You're listening to ...

2005-07-28T00:14:00.000-04:00

I trained on line up today. And this of course did nothing but add to my increasing angst on what the heck I am doing with my life... More on that later.

So, line up involves writing news stories, lining them in in order for newsreading, then going on-air to read them. The shift runs from 10-6pm and it's one crazy thirty-minute treadmill. You're constantly working, pulling items from syndication feeds from Torono, re-writing awful scripts (from Toronto again), and watching the darn clock when on the air in order to stay within the time limit. You have to also prepare the news every half hour - a 6 minute cast at the top of each hour, then something called a one-minute footprint at the bottom of each hour - and this goes on literally from 11:30am to 5:30pm. The guy who was traning me, Laurence Wall, is a huge pro and loves his work. He gets such a kick out of changing scripts and his voice commands attention. He turns a newscast into a work of art. They send people from out of town to come train with him, so I'm in the big leagues here. Anyway, I got to follow him around all day "observing" and then they threw me on air to do the 2:30 and 3:30 footprints. They were actually fun to do and of course, being the ham that I am, I love being on-air. Laurence said, for a first time go at it, you were pretty darn good.

Anyway, I must really sleep well tonight because I was late for Laurence this morning and he was a bit peeved... tomorrow I read the news at 1:30 2, 2:30, and 3. What a treat.

Insomnia sucks...

2005-07-27T09:53:00.000-04:00

Insomnia is very hard to explain to people who've never experienced its cold grip. People just don't get it. As a sufferer, the most common question I get about it is "Well... what do you doooo??" Heck, I'd want to know what someone who can't sleep does until 5am sometimes.

Thing is, there's not much to do. It's past midnight afterall, everyone else in the house is fast asleep, so there's noone to talk to. I can't use the computer since it's in the living room, where my mother is sleeping now since it happens to be cooler than the rest of the place. So you just, well, stay awake.

In bed, during a bout of insomnia, my brain begins to whirr like an old computer hardrive. I make career strategies, exercise work out plans, mentally organizes my closets, lists people I still owe second year notes to. it's time to go back to school - but where? should you acecpt carleton u's offer or decline? where is your career going anyway? are you even cut out for journalism? you havent produced a piece in such a long time. i should have taken arts in school instead of engineering! you need to learn to analyze sotires better. but how? will dad help out with tuition fees if i get into school somewhere else? did you remember to put all the scripts into line up folder before leaving work? what would it be like if you were raised in the states. did you call the 6:40 guest to tell him to come in for the interview a half-hour earlier? Oh ya, you did - remember he was peeved. where are you going to get sources for that great idea you pitched a month ago? oh god - was it a month ago? shoot - i had to email JD about dinner tomorrow. Note to Self: Remember To Email JD About Dinner Tomorrow. they're gonna think you're not interested in the work anymore. they're gonna think you're unreliable. you need to think of a strategy to keep your ideas fresh. but i am just so tiiiired. i really need to learn how to write if i want to be a newsreader. i wish i could write columns. damn - you have to call Mme Pommez to go see her at the hospice. why are you such a procrastinator about these things. Note To Self: Call Mme Pommez. Don't forget. i used to write, but why can't i write anymore? what's wrong with my brain - why aren't you smart anymore? i dont think im using my blog in a smart way. i should write insightful things in it. i cant think about morals to my stories. stories must have morals, right? i should make a list of things i can write about. golden rule: write about what you know....

Then I make lists. In my brain, and on paper. I get up and make lists of things i should do when I have to "get up," lists of insightful things I should write about. a career plan. things to buy the next day from the drugstore. That's what happens... eyes as round as CDs, brains making soft noises in the darkness.

It's really my fault. I don't exercise, don't do yoga, don't drink warm milk or chamomile tea. I don't take warm baths. Sometimes I wonder if having insomnia is something I am so used to now that I almost dont mind having it. It's a pain in the backside of course in the morning when you feel you've run a marathon, or you walk around feeling like you've just stepped off a 6 hourr red-eye flight. But it's a conversation starter. It's something not many people I know at least have, and it seems to stir so much curiosity in non-sufferers.

One of the upsides of insomnia - at least of my insomnia - is that after a bout of a week of it, my body gets so tired I'm forced to sleep. Just getting ready for the next bout...

How's that for writing about what you know.

testing things out still..

2005-07-25T07:16:00.000-04:00

pls dont mind the mess - we are under construction to serve you better

A little internet loving? Uh, no thanks!

2005-07-25T06:42:00.000-04:00

Im soooooooo sick. I have the immune system of an ameoba. Don't really know what that means - but I am sooooo sick. My 2 sisters and BIL (bro-in-law) all got sick last week and I was like, "YEEEES - the viruses missed me!" Now I'm calling my exec producer at 6am to groan I can't come in today.

I was checking out naseeb last night and some guy asks for a chat. What the heck, I accept. He turns out to be some 38 yr old uncle from Indiannapolis. His photo reminded me of the type who get back home.. with artificial wall murals in the BG. His had a fake sea (complete with lapping waves) and 2 palm trees that looked like they were coming out of his ears. No matter... it's all part of trying to remain non-judgemental. After exchanging hellos, this is what happens:

Uncle Palm: are you married?
Me: no
Uncle: Have a boyfriend?
Me: I don't date
Uncle: Oh
Me: silence
Uncle: So what do you say if somebody likes you?
Me: go to my dad
Uncle: what would he do?
Me: I dunno, check them out... why do you ask?
Uncle: give me your dad's number. I like you.
Me: Sorry, I think you're a little too old plus I'm not interested.
Uncle: But you look older
Me: I'm 25
Uncle: But you look at least 30 [now I'm getting peeved]
Me: It's not my fault!
Uncle: It is your fault. You should be exercising to maintian your weight
Me: Are you calling me fat?
Uncle: A girl your age shouldn't be carrying around all the weight you have.
Me: [wtf?!] thanks for the chat.... no wonder you're still single at your age
[hit BLOCK button]

Notice how I don't block his a** as soon as he asks for my dad's number or if I have a boyfriend. This conversation did nothing for my sad body image and creeped me out. I was thinking about how cooler the girls are on naseeb than these guys. Why!!?? Are there no normal people of the male species anywhere? Why do they have to either call you fat or ask you out on a hooka date? that story later.... but let me tell you that convo would have turned ugly if I didn't get an explanantion of what a hooka was... I'm either sheltered or too Canadian... maybe both.

And then there was my Blog

2005-07-25T06:28:00.000-04:00

There is always something so sweet about new beginnings (am I cheesing u out yet?)..

I vowed to stop wasting time on the internet not 3 days ago, and I respond to that vow by creating a naseeb account AND now this. I'm extremely uncreative even though as an associate producer of a morning show, my job demands creativity everytime I walk into the building. At least I can make people laugh...

Anyway - welcome to my blog :) Hope you find something that interests you here and that will kill your boredom... don't expect to be inspired.